S2. E21: Please and Thank You: Why Manners Matter
Civility, or simple politeness, is more important than ever. Small acts like saying "please" and "thank you" show respect and strengthen connections. As parents, it's our job to model these habits and teach our children that politeness is more than manners—it's about caring for others.
Let’s talk about civility. According to Merriam-Webster, civility is defined as "civilized conduct, especially courtesy and politeness," or as "a polite act or expression." In today’s fast-paced world, some might say that chivalry is dead, but does that mean civility is too? I certainly hope not, and it’s our job as parents to ensure that civility remains alive and well.
The Power of Simple Courtesies
A simple "please" or "thank you" can go a long way. It can brighten someone’s day and demonstrate what might now be considered uncommon courtesy. When we show politeness, we’re also showing respect, and respect tends to be reciprocated. Throughout our daily lives, we rely on others—we serve each other food, take turns, hold doors open, and sometimes let another car merge ahead of us in traffic. These small acts of consideration remind us that it’s not all about us; we’re interconnected, and teaching our children this is crucial.
Why Civility Matters More Than Ever
You’ve probably heard about norms for civil discourse—many workplaces have them, and for good reason. They set a standard for expected behavior, especially since these norms seem to be fading in society. Teaching our children to be polite and civil is more important than ever in a world where words can so easily cause conflict. There’s a proverb that says, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” I want my words, and my children’s words, to be like that—carefully chosen and valuable. Politeness is a key part of this.
It is about more than just good manners; it’s about showing others that you care. When our children take the time to be kind and considerate, they naturally earn the respect of those around them. Whether it’s teachers, store employees, or other adults, people appreciate polite behavior because it’s increasingly rare. In fact, when a child consistently uses phrases like "please" and "thank you," or holds the door for someone, it helps them stand out in a positive way. As a teacher, I can’t help but have a higher opinion of a student who shows these habits—it gives them an edge and encourages me to think about how I can support them even more.
Modeling and Encouraging Politeness at Home
So, how do we help our children develop this vital habit of politeness? It starts with us. Our children need to see us saying "please" and "thank you," opening doors for each other, and putting others first. It’s also important to prompt our children to be polite, whether it’s by asking them, “What do you say?” after they’ve asked for something, or encouraging them to express gratitude. Developing these habits early on is key, even if the words don’t hold much meaning for them yet. Over time, the habit will stick and serve them well.
The Importance of Thank You Notes
Another great way to instill politeness is by writing thank you notes. After holidays or birthdays, I remember sitting down with my siblings to write thank you notes—it was a big deal in our house! Not only did it help us practice our writing, but it also taught us the importance of expressing gratitude. Even in our fast-paced world, taking the time to write a note can make someone feel truly valued. With my own children, I encourage them to draw pictures as a way to say thank you, and we either deliver them by hand or send them by mail. We don’t do it every time, but we try.
Politeness Across Cultures
As we teach our children to be polite, it’s important to consider cultural differences. What’s polite in one culture might be seen as rude in another. For example, in some countries, it’s expected to greet and say goodbye to everyone at a gathering, while in others, a simple nod or a wave is sufficient. As parents, we should help our children understand what’s expected in different social circles and cultures. If you’re traveling to a new place, do a little research, practice within your home, and reflect on how you can improve together.
Regardless of where you live, staying attuned to those around you is essential. Politeness shows respect for others, and it’s something we can all work on modeling for our children. Through our example and encouragement, we can help our children grow into respectful, polite members of society.
Thank you, and see you in the next episode!