Lessons Learned from My Baby Boy in the NICU

I felt decently prepared for my son’s arrival.  My daughter had arrived on her due date, 40 weeks exactly.  I assumed this one would be similar.  How wrong I turned out to be with this little guy!

Around 5:30 in the morning, when he was at 36 weeks and 5 days, my water broke. I was not certain initially, as with my daughter, that hadn’t happened until the delivery room, but sure enough, he was indicating he was ready to arrive.

Lesson 1: Expect the Unexpected

Not only did my son arrive much earlier than my daughter, but he also arrived with Streptococcus B attacking his respiratory system.  This is a common bacteria that apparently 1 out of every 4 women have in the birth canal, although normally it’s not an issue when antibiotics are administered.  My doctor knew I had it and had me on antibiotics from the time I was admitted to the hospital, however, my son got it as well. Little did I know how serious this could be for even a late term preemie.

After my husband and I each got to hold him in our arms for a bit, he was whisked away as his glucose levels were low and he got tired quickly when nursing.  Before long, the pediatrician came to explain a bit more of the situation.  We would be able to go visit our little guy in the NICU, but he would not be coming to the hospital room with us as we had anticipated.

I wasn’t prepared for this and I wasn’t really certain what was going on. I think I was still in the post labor fog. All I knew was that I wanted my son with me, but that wasn’t going to be an option.  One night turned into two and eventually became 20 long nights without him. Although no parent wants to prepare for something like this, we need to be ready. Financially, emotionally, physically, and I would say most importantly, spiritually.  When your world is shaken, when the unexpected happens, what foundation will you stand upon?

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” - Psalm 46:1-3

The unexpected will continue to buffet us throughout life… affecting us, our families, and our friends, however, when God is our help and the foundation of our lives, we can continue forward. Despite heart wrenching circumstances, our Good Father is on the throne. He sees, He knows, and He will guide us through.  

Lesson 2: The Heartbeat of a Mother is for Her Children

I would say I’m not really a “crier,” but throughout this process there were quite a number of times I broke down and wept. It probably was a result of a combination of factors at different times: fear, sadness, relief, joy, a feeling of helplessness, and even hormones. However, the main feeling was one of deep longing.  I wanted to be with my son and I wanted him with me, yet I knew that was not in his best interest.

This is the heart of a mother, or a father for that matter.  We desire the best for our children, even if that means sacrifice on our part. We desire to be in relationship with them, to be connected, to protect and nurture them. The parent is responsible for their child, but it’s not out of duty that they care, it is a result of love.

Reflecting upon my own longing to be with my son, it made me think of how much God, our Father, wants to be in relationship with us.  How often do I push God to the side, being “too busy” to pray, to merely talk with Him throughout my day? If my son had been able to speak and told me he actually would prefer to remain in the hospital, away from me, how that would have cut me to the core! To be adopted spiritually as a daughter of God is a privilege, yet how much do I really live as though God my Father really wants to hear from me?

“But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father.'” - Galatians 4:4-6

God’s heart for me, for all of us, is infinitely more loving than my own heart for my son. May I learn to live in a way that reflects His love for me even more. Just like us and the other parents who showed up day after day for their visiting time to see their child in the NICU, God also is there for us… and not just at a particular hour.  He is there all the time, ready to hear from us, eager to respond.

Lesson 3: The Beauty of Community

You never realize how much you need others until you’re in need.  This was a time of great need for us.  My husband and I had each other, and most importantly, we had the Lord God to lean on. Through our friends and family, God encouraged and strengthened us day by day.

Community takes time to build, yet the investment in the lives of others is priceless.  In both the good times and the challenging times, others edify and enrich our lives.  If we hadn’t been surrounded with such a wonderful community, both physically around us and abroad, this would have been an even harder process than it was.  

A heartfelt thank you to each of you for being there for us.  Your prayers, verses of encouragement, texts, calls, offers of time, food, music suggestions, gifts for the nurses, etc., you all helped carry us through. We are forever grateful for the way you helped uphold us during this challenging time.  May we all support one another no matter what life throws our way.

Lesson 4: The Beacon of Hope

“And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” - Romans 5:2b-5

A hope in the midst of challenge or pain is what keeps us going.  A hope that the trial or suffering will end. A hope that healing will come. Throughout the process, I can say that although I probably should have been, I was never afraid for my son’s life.  As I told my husband a few different times, “He’s coming home.” I don’t know why I felt so sure, or if I just needed to have that as my light at the end of the tunnel, but I firmly believed he would come home.

We all need that beacon of light in the distance.  It tells us to keep on going, not to give up.  For me, that ultimate hope is found only in Christ Jesus. Through Him alone, I have a hope of eternal life.  I can know that even if things hadn’t turned out the way I desired, if my son had not come home, that God is still Good and that I would see my son once again. Simply because of Jesus… his life, death, resurrection and future return can I have this hope.  

My desire for my son to come home reminded me of this eternal hope.  That as much as I wanted my son in my arms, so too I can look forward with great longing to the return of Jesus.

Concluding Thoughts

I prayed many times before my son was born that he would accomplish the purposes that God has for him.  So far, this little boy has accomplished much in this regard.  Look at how much he has already taught me!  I am thankful for his life, beyond thankful to have him home, and thankful for everyone in my community and extended community for their support. Most of all, I am grateful to God for being my Good Father and Shepherd through it all.  

May this boy continue to grow strong and healthy, to live well with character and integrity, and to do so much more, making a positive impact on all those around him!

I love you my son, welcome home!