Helping Your Child with High-Stakes Testing

As a parent, the phrase "high-stakes testing" might feel like an unwelcome guest at the dinner table—awkward, stressful, and best avoided. But as an educator, instructional coach, and administrator, I’ve seen how these tests fit into the bigger picture of education. While they’re FAR from the only measure of success, they do carry weight, whether it’s a MAP test, ERB assessment, state-mandated exams, or even college entrance tests like the SAT or ACT. They aren't to be ignored, even in the early stages, but they're also not to be overemphasized. They trick is to know your child and to hit the right balance.

The good news? You can help your child prepare for these tests in ways that minimize stress and build their confidence. Let’s break it down by developmental stages, because what works for a second grader won’t look the same as what helps a high school junior.

A quick note to add before we jump in... just because you weren't a great test-taker, it doesn't mean it is the same for your child. Do not project your past upon your child's future. Think about them as a learner, not yourself, and think about how you can best help meet their needs.

Early Elementary (Grades 2–3): Building Foundations

At this age, kids are likely encountering standardized tests for the first time. They might not fully grasp what these tests are or why they matter, so the goal here is to introduce the concept gently and set a positive tone.

Yet as parents, be aware, these tests can begin to set your child on track for small groups that will push or support their learning. If there's a gifted program at your school, these could be used as initial screeners. If there's an advanced math or literacy program, this starts to highlight who might qualify. If you're looking at transferring schools, this data very well might follow them. The scores do matter, however, they will not make or break your child's future.

1. Keep It Low-Key
   Avoid framing the test as a "big deal." Instead, explain it as a chance to show what they’ve learned and to help their teachers understand how to help them grow. I'd start talking with them about it maybe about a month in advance, or whenever the school starts to notify families or students.
2. Learn the Format of the Test
   Help your child get familiar with the test format. This is honestly one of the best ways to help your child prepare. If they don't understand the format, they will struggle, feel confused, and potentially get stressed out. More than any content, I would expose my child to the design, look, and feel of the questions. Especially in the case of timed assessments, this removes a barrier and sets them up to get started right away without confusion. Look up the tests online, and be sure to ask your child's school if the tests are on paper or digital. That makes a difference! Additionally, ask if on any math portions, if your child will be provided with looseleaf paper. If so, be sure to have your child practice writing problems down to prove their answer.
3. Practice in Small Doses
   Many tests include multiple-choice questions, so practice reading directions carefully and eliminating incorrect answers. But keep sessions short—10–15 minutes at a time is plenty. Depending on how many days of testing they're doing and your child's general levels of stress, I would practice maybe 2-3 times per day of testing they will do. For example: If your child is in 2nd grade and will do one day or math testing and one day or literacy testing, I would practice math twice and literacy twice beforehand.
4. Make Learning Fun
   Focus on activities that build the skills tested, like reading comprehension or basic math facts, through games or real-world scenarios. For example, play math card games or read together and discuss the story. All of these things apply regardless of testing or not... engage your child with learning.
5. Celebrate Effort
   Praise their hard work and progress, not just the results. Reinforce the idea that learning is about growth, not perfection. Honestly, I don't think I would even show my child their results until they were at least in 4th or 5th grade, and maybe not until middle school. It really depends on your child though.

Upper Elementary (Grades 4–6): Building Confidence

By now, your child is more aware of what tests are and may even start comparing themselves to peers. This is a great time to focus on building their confidence and resilience.

1. Set Realistic Goals
   Work together to set achievable goals, like improving on a specific subject or finishing the test without rushing. Many schools have online adaptive programs (ex: iReady, IXL, Freckle, Dreambox, etc.), these provide options for helping set and achieve goals, and often in similar formats to the tests.
2. Teach Test-Taking Strategies
   Introduce simple strategies, like skipping tough questions and coming back to them later or using process of elimination. Role-play scenarios to make it less intimidating. With that said, in our technological testing age, some tests allow them to go back to a previous question and some do not... as mentioned before, ask to find out more about the format of the tests.
3. Balance Practice with Play
   While it’s important to practice, don’t let test prep take over their lives. Balance study time with activities they love, like sports, hobbies, or family outings. At a maximum, I would have them practice 2-3 times per week for the three weeks prior to the tests, and only for about 15-20 minutes.
4. Normalize Mistakes
   If they don’t do well on a practice test or struggle with a concept, remind them it’s part of the learning process. Share your own stories of perseverance to help them see the bigger picture.

Middle School (Grades 7–8): Building Independence

In middle school, tests often carry more weight, and students may start feeling the pressure. This is a great time to help them take ownership of their preparation while staying supportive.

1. Create a Study Plan Together
   Help them break down their test prep into manageable chunks. Teach them how to prioritize subjects or areas where they need extra practice. Still don't overdo it. familiarity with the format is key, but at this point, they should have a lot of familiarity already. If math is a strong point, but reading hasn't been in the past, focus in on the reading comprehension.
2. Focus on Wellness
   Remind them that good test performance isn’t just about studying—it’s about getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying active. IF you don't already, consider taking their devices at night, so they can focus on resting, especially during the testing week.
3. Shift the Conversation
   At this stage, you can begin discussing how test scores might influence opportunities, like advanced classes or scholarships, while emphasizing that one test doesn’t define them. It's about balance, you know what to emphasize with your child.

High School (Grades 9–12): Building Perspective

High school is when testing stakes often feel the highest, with SATs, ACTs, and other exams looming. Your role here is part cheerleader, part coach, and part voice of reason.

1. Provide Resources
   Share resources like practice tests, prep books, or even affordable online courses. Let them take the lead on how much prep they want to do, but be there to support them. If they aren't motivated, and you think they're capable of more, you might need to push them a bit more, but that's all about knowing your child.
2. Discuss the Bigger Picture
   Talk about how these tests fit into their future goals. If college is in their plans, explain how scores can open doors—but also remind them of other factors, like grades, extracurriculars, and essays.
3. Celebrate the Journey
   Regardless of the outcome, celebrate their effort and growth. Let them know you’re proud of their hard work, and help them learn from any setbacks.

The Bottom Line

Helping your child navigate high-stakes testing doesn’t have to be stressful—for them or for you. By approaching it with a focus on growth, balance, and perspective, you can support them in doing their best while keeping the bigger picture in mind.

Remember, you’re not just preparing them for a test—you’re teaching them life skills like perseverance, resilience, and the value of effort. And those lessons? They’re worth more than any score.

Any additional thought or suggestions? Please let us know in the comments, just be sure you're a member.