S1.E4: Tell Me How - Raising Thinkers Podcast

Today we have a simple way that you can get your child to become a better communicator and thinker. In a busy world, we need to help our children slow down, just a little bit. What do I mean by this? I mean they need to understand the process of what they're doing and how things work. As the mathematics coach at my school, I work with this all the time. Students can often solve a problem, but they might not understand how the process works or even really what they did.  If you ask them how they solved the problem, they may struggle to explain it clearly unless they understand how and why the process works.

We can help our children become better communicators and thinkers, by asking them to tell us how they did what they did. Another way to think of this is to simply ask them: how does this work? Or what steps did you go through to get to this answer?  If they can explain the steps in the process and their reasoning, then you know they have a deeper level of understanding. This means they're really thinking through what they have done and not just copying a process they learned without understanding.

This can also help us because let's face it, as parents we often don't understand how math is being taught these days. It's very different than how many of us learned, and so it can be frustrating or confusing for us!  Instead of trying to teach our children what we learned, we can let them teach us what they have learned. We need to be open-minded as parents to new ways of thinking. If your child can teach you, then you know they have a deep understanding of a topic.

When I was a student, I remember learning a first step, then a second, and then however many other steps as were needed to reach a final answer. I did not gain a deeper understanding of how numbers worked. I memorized patterns.  The world is not just about memorization. It has its place, and it is important at times, but there is much more. Just being able to memorize something does not make us a critical thinker. It's simply makes us an excellent copier.  

We want our children to be more than copy machines.  Our future depends on having citizens who are deep thinkers and problem solvers. We also need people who have the skills of collaboration and cooperation. If we want our children to be able to communicate their thinking to be effective team players in their future careers, they need to be able to express their understanding and thinking clearly. By asking the question of "tell me how," we help them build this ability to communicate their thoughts and their understandings.

It's not all about mathematics.  This goes far beyond just one area. Imagine your son is making a sandwich. Ask him to tell you how he made it. Or perhaps, your daughter has built a new creation out of Legos. Ask her how she designed it or what the steps were to construct what she made. Any chance you have, ask them about the process, instead of just telling them that it looks "cool" or "amazing." Those are good, we want to compliment our kids, but we really want to push their thinking further and show how much we value what they have done.

This also gives them a chance to reflect on what they actually did and process through how they were being designers or engineers or creators.  Furthermore, it gives them the chance to take on the role of the expert to share with you that they did. This gives them the opportunity to take pride and ownership of something they did or that they understand.

This may sound like something that is just for children who are already more verbal, and can clearly explain to you every little thing about the process. This is not true. Even young children can show you the steps in a process.  They can also tell you about their process.  It might not be with the vocabulary that you would use, but they can still communicate. You may even have to give a younger child a few more prompts, such as what did you do first? Then what did you do?  But they can do it.  

They can tell you about how they got their baby doll dressed today. They can tell you about how they built a fort in their bedroom out of sheets and pillows. They can even tell you about how they made a terrible mess of their room or your kitchen! Instead of getting upset with them, you can ask them about the process of the creation of the disaster, and then ask them about what will be the process for them to clean it up!  

For one last example, let's take the classic scenario where your child brings you something that they drew... and you have absolutely no idea what it is. Instead of asking them, "What did you draw?" "Or what is THAT?" You ask them, "Can tell me a little bit about your picture?" "How did you draw this?" By asking them these sorts of questions, you give value to them as a creator and help build their confidence to continue to design and to keep going. It helps build that growth mindset, that determination to not give up.  It's an affirmation to them that their work has value.

That's the thing, your child has value and because they are so precious, what they create and what they think also has value. So, next time your child shows you something they've done, ask them that simple question:

"Tell me how..."